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kisses are a better fate than wisdom

Quote by e e cummings (I would capitalize and put punctuation in, but he never liked doing that.)

Day Sixteen: My First Kiss

Alright, I’m just going to come out and say it: I’ve never been kissed. Yes, I’m twenty. No, there isn’t something wrong with me. I am picky, and years and years of watching romantic movies have made me even pickier.

It’s not that I don’t want to be kissed, because, believe me, I do. Badly. But I’m not just going to give my one and only first kiss away. I have asked too many people to describe their first kiss, and most of them can’t remember it. I don’t want to be one of those people. You only get one first kiss, and I want mine to be special. I wan to be able to tell my daughter(s) about it when they ask me. I don’t want to have to sit there and try to remember who might have been the first guy I kissed.

Growing up, I was obsessed with the Disney Princess movies. (Let’s face it, I still am.) They foolishly made me believe that when I was sixteen, a handsome prince would come by, slay whatever figurative dragon/villain that was in my life and in the end, kiss me. Every Disney Princess movie ended with a kiss. It made sense that it would happen to me. It never happened. Still though, I haven’t given up hope yet. As one wise, slightly boring princess once said, “Someday, my prince will come.”

I know that I’m putting kisses on a very high pedestal, but to me, a kiss is special. A kiss is a tiny little piece of yourself that you give to someone. If you give too many away, you lose part of yourself to that person. I don’t want to waste my kisses. And I definitely don’t want to regret who I kiss. Like I said, I only get one first kiss, I want the guy to worthy of receiving it. I’m not saying I want to be one of those people who don’t kiss until they get married, but I at least want to know that I am going to be with this person and pursue a relationship with him before I give part of myself to him, however small that part may be.

On the flip side, part of me wonders if I will ever kiss someone, because I have such a high standard in my head of how it should be. I’m afraid I will miss out on an opportunity with a great guy because I was too afraid to give away my first kiss. I’m in a constant war with myself over this. Granted, I have yet to find a guy who wants to be in a relationship with me, so this war is all hypothetical at the moment.

Call me crazy, stubborn, unrealistic, whatever. I’ve been called all the names in the book. I know the bar is set exceedingly high, but I refuse to lower it. I know there is someone out there worthy of my first kiss, and when I find him and that time comes, it will be wonderful. Magical. It will be one for the story books. And that, my friends, is what keeps me dreaming.

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About blweathers

I want to write. About what, I'm not sure. We'll figure that out together.

One response »

  1. Keep dreaming Bethany! I can still remember my first kiss…but it wasn’t that long ago…and… I think I’ll always remember it, tho. 🙂

    Don’t worry too much about your bar being set too high! When the time comes you’ll know it. 😀 I promise you… At least I did. It was crazy impulse, and I don’t regret one second of it. 😉

    Reply

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