Quote by C.S. Lewis
Day Twenty Six: My fears
I have three main phobias and a few fears right now. I make the distinction, because phobias are irrational things one is fearful of, and mine are most definitely irrational. I will explain those first, because they are far more fun to talk about.
Ichthyophobia: Fear of fish. Yes, that’s right. Big fish, little fish, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. Any kind of fish, be it big or small, alive or dead, terrifies me. I cannot see them in person, on tv, in movies, or in a book. Every time we had the ocean unit in elementary school my mom would have to go through the chapter and put post-it’s over all the pictures so I could make it through that section of the class. In eighth grade I was forced to go to the aquarium on a field trip. I spent the entire day either looking at the ground or cowering in a corner. The entire time my heart was racing. Where might this odd phobia began you may ask? Well, I was about three or four years old, and I went fishing with my grandpa. I ended up catching a tiny little blue gill, and in my excitement I decided I was going to take him home and keep him as a prized pet. Every morning I would feed him worms, and one morning, the fish saw my little finger swirling around in the tank, mistook it for a worm, and latched on. In panic I began screaming, waving my hand around violently in hopes the fish would let go. It did eventually, and not long after he was taken back to the lake and released. I however, began my greatest phobia and have shown no signs of improvement since. It should be noted though that I can eat fish, so long as all skin has been removed and there is no sign of what it used to be. Seafood is one of my favorite foods. I should also be noted that this fear is towards fish and fish only; porpoises, sharks, crustaceans, mollusks, and coral are not included in this phobia. Weird, I know.
Ornithophobia: Fear of birds. I am not quite as scared of birds as I am fish. I can see them on tv and in movies and books. I can even look at them in person, so long as I am at a safe distance. I think many birds are quite beautiful in fact. What scares me though is their flightiness (pun intended). I never know when they are just going to take off, and usually when they do, they seem to fly straight at me. Also, I don’t trust something it talons and beaks. Those things are pointy and sharp and all I can imagine is the bird pecking me to death. I don’t like them, pigeons especially. Those are the craziest of all.
Cuprolaminophobia: Fear of change. No, not the transformation of one thing to something else, but rather coins. I hate touching them. All I think about when I have to touch them is how many other hands and nasty things have touched it before me. Who knows where it has been, and now the germs from the coin is getting all over my hand. I’m not really a germophobic, but for some reason, I can’t handle touching coins. I usually try to pay with my debit card so I don’t have to deal with money at all, though when I do, I try to get the receipt first and have the cashier place the change on it instead of my hand. Then I let the coins slide into my coin purse without ever touching it. Once my coin purse gets full I transfer it to a larger piggy bank which is then transferred back to the bank and deposited into my checking. If the sales clerk hands me my change first, I throw it in my change purse as quickly as possible and grab my bottle of hand sanitizer I keep in my bag to wash my hands. And while I am afraid of touching change, I can however handle paper money, though I don’t enjoy it. I much prefer to use my debit card.
So yeah, my phobias are pretty weird. But that’s what makes me me I guess. My fears are a little more rational I hope.
My biggest fear for the moment is that all my friends will leave me again. Shortly after returning to school this time last year, all the friends I had made first semester decided they didn’t want to be friends any more, and shut me out of their lives. This sent me headlong back into depression, and I wasn’t sure I was going to make it through the rest of the school year. Eventually I escaped from these bad friendships, moved dorms, and made some new friends. But now that time is coming again, and all I can think about is my new friends leaving me again. I have built up this trust, and I’m terrified it will all come crashing down and I’ll be left all alone again. I don’t think I can go through that again. So this is my plea to the few friends that actually read this blog: please don’t leave me. I’ll be a good friend, I promise. I love you guys, and I don’t want to lose you.